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Map Reading, Seat Position And Other Driving Debates
They say that one of the things that causes the most car-related debate between couples is navigation and map reading. This may have been changed by GPS systems and sat-nav. Possibly, this is one reason why navigation systems tend to come as standard features on an awful lot of new cars coming out these days – it saves marital conflict over map reading.
However, this isn’t the case in our household. And this is not because our Ford has a red-hot navigation system. It doesn’t (and I’m pretty good at reading maps). What it doesn’t have is memory seats, and the different settings (forward & back, lumbar support and seat angle) are manually adjustable. So the thing that causes the debate is seat position.
The arguments caused by a lack of memory seats are less heated than the ones that stereotypically crop up about map reading. They are more in the nature of low-grade grumblings.
The typical argument about map reading goes something like this.
“You’re going the wrong way, dear,” she says
“No I’m not,” he says.
“You were supposed to turn right at that intersection that you drove past a minute ago.”
“Why the hell didn’t you say so?” He keeps driving in the same direction.
“I did say so! I told you to turn right at Queen Street ages ago.”
“I didn’t know that was Queen Street? How was I supposed to know that was Queen Street? Do you really expect me to read every single little road sign?”
“Yes, I do. I would have been able to read it if you hadn’t been driving so fast.”
“I am not driving fast. Why didn’t you tell me that Queen Street was coming up? You’ve got the map.”
“I’m sure I said to take the next right. There haven’t been any other roads to the right and I thought you had enough common sense to read the road signs.”
“I’m relying on you to tell you which way to turn and when to turn. Why can’t you do a simple thing like that?”
“I did! And you’re still going the wrong way! Why won’t you listen? I had the map here and told you.” She holds up the map and points to the intersection in question.
“You’re holding the bloody map upside down again! I don’t know why you do that – it drives me nuts and how you can read the thing properly like that, I don’t know.”
And so on and so on, ad nauseam.
Seat position grumbles are less dramatic and usually only take place once in the journey unless one of us is in a very bad mood.
His grumble: “Who’s been fiddling around with the seat position? What have you done with it this time?”
“I moved the seat forward. You know I’ve got short legs and can’t reach the pedals if I don’t.”
“I can’t get behind the wheel properly. Is that all you changed?”
“I put the seat back up, of course. It’s better for your back if you sit upright.”
“Well, it can’t be good for you, squished up behind the steering column like that. What if there’s an accident?”
“Um, isn’t that why they invented airbags?”
“Hmm.” He adjusts the seat tilt. “Are you sure that that’s all you changed? I’m sure it feels different from the way I left it.”
“I didn’t touch the lumbar support. I never touch the lumbar support.”
“Well, it feels funny, anyway.” More fiddling and fine-tuning. “Can you put your seat back? I can’t see out the side with your head in the way.”
The response from me is muttering along the lines of “Well, if you didn’t have your seat back so far, I wouldn’t be in your line of sight.” The journey then gets underway and the grumbling stops.
My grumble when I get into the driver’s seat is the reverse. “You must have arms like a ruddy gorilla. How do you manage to reach the steering wheel properly from way back there?”
“I like to sit back and relax when I drive. You look so uptight and tense with your nose just about over the steering wheel like Mr Magoo.”
“It’s a wonder you don’t fall asleep with the seat as far back as you have it. And then you’ve got the cheek to grumble at the kids for kneeing you in the back. You’ve just about got your head rest up their noses. I’m sure it’s bad for your back, sprawling like that.”
There are other great driving debates as well, though not all of them happen in my family. Classics include:
- Will you stop going around the corners so fast – you’ve got a steering wheel to hold onto.
- Keep your eyes on the road rather than fooling around with the balance of the audio system.
- Will you kids stop fooling with the electric windows?
- Stop kicking the back of my seat.
- Get your knees out of the back of my seat.
- Get that dog off the leather seats or he’ll ruin them.
- Turn that music down – it’s so loud you can’t hold a conversation.
- Are we there yet?
Any I’ve missed?
Information Overload!
Does this sound familiar? I’m doing the Mum’s Taxi thing, picking kids off and running them down to after-school activities like the typical parent these days. It might not be a long drive, but the amount of signage that I go past is fairly large.
You’ve got the school speed limit sign complete with the times that these apply. You’ve got a roundabout or two to go through with all the signs associated with those (at least they’re not multi-lane roundabouts). There are a handful of Give Way signs on the way, a couple of Children Crossing signs, a No Parking sign outside the school and some Bus Stop signs on the way to the activities. I’m lucky that the route I use doesn’t involve traffic lights with all the umpteen different signs that are involved there depending on the lane that you want to go to. Signs everywhere – flashing, in some cases.
But those aren’t the only signs I see. Thanks to an acute outbreak of road works by my local council, I’m coming across the “road works” signs (once known as Men At Work signs), plus road cones and people in high-viz vests putting up bright coloured barriers to stop people driving/walking/biking into the hole they’re trying to dig.
On top of all this, you’ve got all the advertising material and the signage to tell you that you have actually reached the gym or wherever you need to go. Signs, signs, signs. And in a few places, you’ve got the signs for cyclists and pedestrians into the bargain.
It doesn’t get much better once you get into the countryside. Not only do you get the boards telling you that you’ve got XXX km to go until you get to the city where Grandma lives and signs telling you to watch out for horses/wombats/strong crosswinds/railway crossings, you also get the signs telling you about the intersections you can expect ahead of you. These include my candidate for most pointless sign: the one about falling rocks. OK, it’s kind of handy to know that there might be a rock on the road ahead of me, but you can get debris on the road anywhere, so I’m usually scanning the road for hazards. But if a rock falls when I’m driving through the area, I never know what I can really do about that. Second on my list of “statements of the blinking obvious” is the one about a railway crossing ahead complete with “prepare to stop” emblazoned on it. Really, I’m going to drive out into the middle of the intersection in front of an oncoming train without that sign, aren’t I?
Signs might be all very well and good, and they do serve a useful purpose. However, if we are continually confronted by signs left, right and centre (and let’s not even start on the information provided by in-car information systems at the same time), we become blasé about them and start tuning them out. It certainly doesn’t help when businesses decide to make their signs look rather like road signs. Sometimes, the powers that be up the ante by adding brighter colours and flashing lights. But then everyone starts doing it. And then we tune out the new level of attention-grabbing signage and the cycle continues.
I can just remember when the local fire engine had just one or maybe two red lights and a siren. Now, every emergency vehicle seems to flash like a Christmas tree on steroids and sounds like it’s doubled the decibel level of the sirens just to cut through all the other flashing lights and sounds around us. Yes, it’s important to see emergency vehicles, but is it really necessary to go to these levels? Just think how quickly people respond when they see those little red and blue lights mounted discreetly on a Holden Commodore letting them know that they’ve just lead-footed it past an unmarked police car…
I sometimes wonder if the information overload actually contributes to road safety rather than addressing it. I’m not alone in thinking this. There are Austroads research publications about this and there have been those campaigns about the dangers of distracted driving. However, the billboards reminding us not to drive distracted are themselves distractions…
Car Accessories – A Top Ten
After my last post, where I had a bit of a snigger about some of the stupidest car accessories I’ve ever seen, I thought it was probably about time that we had a look at some good ones.
Of course, when it comes to compiling a top ten list of good accessories, it’s not easy. There are so many different types of motorist in the world. What is a brilliant idea for one type of driver is a real waste of time and money for another driver. So if I’ve left one of your absolute “must haves” off the list, apologies in advance – and let the world know what it is and why you like it in the comments section.
- P plates and L plates. I have a teenage son so they’re legal requirements.
- A towbar. Being able to do your own hauling is so handy. In fact, essential, at least in our family. There is always a
load of greenwaste to take to the local recycling depot, bikes and surfboards to take on holiday, kayaks to take to the nearest suitable body of water, people to help when they’re moving house, furniture to pick up from the store and a caravan to be pulled. Trailers can be hired, but what are you going to do if you haven’t got any way of hauling the trailer you’ve hired? My family have always insisted on towbars, to the point that my dad got one put on the Alfa Romeo they inherited from my grandmother. The installer said he’d never had to put one on an Alfa before… - Rubber floor mats. Someone is going to get into the car at some stage with wet, dirty shoes or boots. Or the dog will get into a mud puddle when you’re out on a picnic. If they’re not in the car already, buy them. They are so much easier to clean off.
- Roof racks. Great for adding extra storage, so much so that a lot of vehicles come with them as standard. If they haven’t come with yours as standard, it’s a smart move to take them off when you don’t actually need them, as they add drag and reduce your fuel efficiency.
- Seat covers. You can get them to protect the upholstery from dirt and tears (seat covers are easier to wash, especially if you have a child who hasn’t quite got the hang of holding on until you can find a suitable place to stop and pee). You can get them to personalise your car. Or you can get them to cover over the cheaper upholstery with something more luxurious such as sheepskin.
- Bike racks.
- Jumper leads. Much easier than pushing a heavy Land Rover!
- Storage holders that involve small pockets. I hate fumbling around in the depths of the glove cabinet for the house keys (kept separate from the car keys so someone else can open up the house while I’m putting the car away), a pen or my cellphone.
- A map. They’ve improved a lot but GPS systems and sat nav sometimes get it wrong, and they don’t always pick up things like road works or heavy traffic. Having a real hard-copy map helps you find a good alternative route.
- A microfibre cloth for cleaning off the inside of the front windscreen. There’s always something that manages to get onto it. A good cloth also doubles as a cleaner for sunglasses and regular corrective glasses. Smudges and smears reduce visibility and that reduces safety.
Accessories Not on My Wish List
I must admit I’ve still got a long face since I heard the news about the Ford Falcon getting the chop in 2016, so here’s something a little different to bring a smile. Here are some of the funniest and most ridiculous car accessories available for us all to buy – if you want to.
The world’s most stupid car accessory goes to a group in China. We all know how car occupant safety is paramount, so why would a group of individuals come up with the idea of designing a seat-belt shirt? I almost feel naked when I don’t wear my seatbelt in the car – particularly when I’m not the one driving! Some people obviously go to great lengths to avoid making it click, and that’s why the seatbelt shirt was invented. The seatbelt shirt has a diagonal black stripe that runs from the left shoulder down to the right hip or from the right shoulder down to the left hip, and this makes it look like you are wearing your seatbelt when you’re senseless enough to not be wearing it. Talk about jumping out of a plane without a parachute!
What about the bag of testicles to hang off the back of car bumpers? I’ve seen a few of these around, and I’m not quite sure why we need to make our cars male or female. As far as I know cars have never been able to be produced in this way!
To finish this crazy article on gadgets and paraphernalia that really serve no purpose other than to make you look like a dork, how about putting a hand that waves the peace sign onto your hatchback or station wagon? They attach to the rear-window wiper and wave back and forwards with your wiper when it’s going. I guess it’s better than any other rude hand signs I see from time-to-time being waved from car windows!
Level 2, 9 Help Street