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‘Tis The Season To Avoid Drink Driving*
Merry and jolly are words that crop up in only two contexts: Christmas and indulging in a drink or two, and by “drink”, I don’t mean a cup of hot chocolate. Tis the season when work parties, sports and other club breakups and family dos are pretty thick on the ground. This usually means that wine, beer and cider will be in evidence somewhat. So will the cops with their breathalyzers.
We’ve all heard the horror stories and seen the safety campaigns, yada, yada, so I’m not going to go on about all the reasons why you shouldn’t drink and drive. However, one question that a lot of us have is how much you can actually get away with having before you get slapped with a great hefty ticket and/or become a menace to yourself and others.
The answer is, of course, it depends. It will depend on what sort of licence you have, what you’re driving and who you are. It will also depend on what your preferred tipple is and what you’ve been eating.
The easy one to explain is the rules for L and P platers: zero. Nada. Zip. Zilch. You even have to steer clear of mouth wash and sherry trifle. Technically, you should even avoid participating in Mass/Communion/Eucharist if you belong to one of the churches that use real wine in the ceremony. However, in New South Wales at least, if you do get caught with a bit on your breath or in your bloodstream on your way home from the church, this is considered legit but you’ll still have to go to court and prove that you were actually at church that morning, etc. If your blood alcohol content (BAC) is over 0.2 mg/mL, however, you won’t get off even if the Pope himself came in to swear that you’re the altar boy.
While we’re on the subject, there have been instances where priests and vicars have ended up driving with a BAC over 0.2 mg/mL. This is because, thanks to a heap of rather dry theology we won’t go into here, they have to get rid of all the leftover communion by drinking it. Communion wine tends to be the cheap red fortified plonk that’s about 14% proof, so if the vicar’s really overestimated the amount needed, there’s a fair bit there to drink that a couple of chocolate chip biscuits and a coffee after the service aren’t going to soak up (plus see below re soaking up). Add in the amount of church services that tend to go on in the lead-up to Christmas and the chances that the cops are going to catch the vicar out get a lot higher. This is the point where Baptist ministers and Muslims look smug, as this doesn’t happen to them, given their avoidance of alcohol.
However, the vicar is unlikely to be over 0.5 mg/mL, which is the limit for those of us who aren’t driving on a P or L plate, or driving a heavy truck or a taxi. If you are in charge of a vehicle that’s over 13.9 T, handling dangerous goods or ferrying fare-paying passengers around (bus or taxi drivers), the limit is 0.2 mg/mL.
Unfortunately, it’s rather hard to calculate your own BAC. You can try keeping count of standard drinks but this is really inaccurate. For one thing, drinks don’t always come in standard sizes – I’ve got about four different sizes of wine glass sitting in my cupboards, for example, so “just one glass” can range from about 100 mL to pretty close to 125 mL. For another, you don’t always get the chance to see the label telling you how much of that particular tipple is a standard drink. Sometimes, in the case of home brew (which includes Granny’s home-made ginger ale), there is no label and no real way of telling the true alcohol content. You can’t always tell by the taste how strong it is, either. Mixing alcohol with something bubbly gets it into your bloodstream quicker, too.
How many drinks it takes to reach your BAC will depend on a lot of factors. Your weight is one thing that affects it and is the one most often talked about. Your fitness and the state of your liver will also play a role. So will your gender and even your stress levels.
It is widely held that eating will slow the rate at which the alcohol goes into your bloodstream. This is true… as long as you eat the food before having the alcohol. Attempts to “soak it up” afterwards by downing a plate of nachos are doomed to failure.
Nothing but time alone will get your BAC down if you suspect that you’ve overdone it. Coffee will not fix it. Nor will a cold shower. Nor will throwing up. Even getting some sleep won’t do much if you’ve really gone overboard, as you can still have a post-bender BAC over the limit up to 18 hours afterwards.
So what’s the answer? It’s safest if you avoid drinking alcohol altogether if you’re the driver and save your moments of indulgence for when you’re the host. However, the following rules may help you negotiate the next party safely:
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Non-alcoholic, every last one of them.
Eat first. Proteins are best for slowing down the alcohol absorption rate, which explains traditions like cheese, peanuts and salami to accompany wine and beer.
- Do your drinking early on so you’ve got time to process it.
- Moderation. You don’t HAVE to drink alcohol all the time or at all, and there are a lot more options out there than orange juice and soft drink (I’m rather partial to a Virgin Mary).
- Don’t be too proud to call a taxi or ask to sleep on the sofa if needed.
Volvo fans can also consider the Alcoguard, an option where you have your own little device to breathe into – and you have to breathe into it before you can start the engine. If you fail the test or don’t take it, the engine won’t start and you can’t drive. This is available on post-2008 S80s, V70s and XC70s from Europe or the US, at least at the moment. But it wouldn’t be a bad idea for us here Down Under (someone tell Volvo Australia, please?).
Safe and happy driving,
Megan
* OK, it’s not the only time of year you have to watch out for this.
Dunny Doors, Beemers, Pugs And Fezzas
The conversation didn’t go quite like this:
“Oh, is that black BMW yours? I didn’t recognize it at first and thought it was my brother’s Subaru. Is it new? I thought the only one of us with a BMW was Annie.”
“Annie doesn’t have a BMW. That’s her daughter’s car. Annie’s got the Mercedes-Benz.”
“How long have you had the BMW?”
“Actually, it’s my husband’s little baby. I usually use the little Peugeot – it doesn’t use as much petrol.”
“Still a European car, though!”
The conversation actually went like this:
“Oh, is that black beemer yours? I didn’t recognize it at first and thought it was my brother’s Subie. Is it new? I thought the only one of us with a beemer was Annie.”
“Annie doesn’t have a beemer. That’s her daughter’s car. Annie’s got the Murk.”
“How long have you had the beemer?”
“Actually, it’s my husband’s little baby. I usually use the little Pug – it doesn’t use as much juice.”
“Still a European car, though!”
They say that Australians are notorious for giving nicknames to everything up to and including God Almighty (Well, who do you think the Hughie is in in the traditional “Send her down, Hughie!” response to a shower of rain on an Outback farm?). So it’s not all that surprising that we nickname our cars as well. Here, I’m not talking about the nicknames for the individual cars (that’s been covered in another post ) Instead, I’m talking about nicknames for entire marks.
This is a ute. Not a pickup. Not a truck. Ute. Got it?
The most widespread nickname for a type of car is one that we use so often that we don’t realise that it’s a nickname: ute . This is short for “utility vehicle”, known to drivers outside the Antipodes as a pickup truck or just a pickup. Mention utes to an outsider and you’ll get a blank look that often puzzles you. It’s as if that foreigner doesn’t know a basic English word like “banana”.
Of course it doesn’t stop there. Everything from a high-end Lambo to a humble Dunny Door gets a nickname. There are no rules. Except the possible rule that the more upmarket the car, the more likely it is to get a nickname.
For the benefit of those who are new to Aussie roads, here is a quick glossary so you can make sense of what your co-workers are talking about when one of them starts to skite (brag) about their new wheels (car).
Beemer (also spelled Bimmer by those with a broader accent): BMW
Bomb-a-Door: Holden Commodore
Bug: VW Beetle (OK, this nickname is international, like the Beetle itself.)
Commode: Holden Commodore (you might actually start to think that Holdens are rather common over here for some reason!)
Disco: Landrover Discovery
Dunny Door: Holden Commodore. (I see that brow crinkling in bewilderment Do I need to explain what a dunny is? Apparently, I do. It’s a toilet, especially one that lives in its own little shed.)
Evo: Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution
Fezza: Ferrarri
Fridge: Any large white van.
Henry: Ford (as in Henry Ford)
Lambo: Lamborghini
Landy: Land Rover
Lanky: Toyota Landcruiser
Murk: Mercedes-Benz
Pug: Peugeot
Rex: Subaru WRX
Roller: Rolls-Royce
Scoobie: Subaru
Subie: Subaru
Veedub: VW
Other nicknames have slightly less currency. They also don’t need much explanation, as most of them are wry variations on recognizable names, such as Ford Exploder or Fungus for Ford Explorer and Focus respectively. Anyone can make these up whenever the like. The rule here is that you have to take the name and turn it into something derogatory, so the Mitsubishi Sigma you’re actually quite fond of becomes a Bits-are-missing Stigma.
It’s the way we show affection without sounding like a bunch of wusses, after all.
If I’ve missed any of the good ones that you’ve heard – either in Australia or overseas – let us know.
Catch ya later and stay out of dings,
Megz
Baby Names For Motor Enthusiasts
Mum and Dad named me Skoda!
One of the life events that sends people on a hunt for an MPV or some other large family-sized car is the addition of a new person to the family. I think I may have covered the things that need to be considered when choosing a family car in another post a year or more ago. But what about the new person in question? You’re going to have to pick a name for your new child, so if you’re into cars at all, why not look to the motoring world for inspiration?
An awful lot of cars are named after people (or at least their surnames), so why not name a baby after a car? However, you should have some consideration for the kid in question and follow all the usual rules such as thinking about how the name would look or sound in the grown up world – painted on the side of a commercial vehicle with “Contracting Ltd” after it, inserted into “Your captain on today’s flight is xxxx” or “Dr XXXXX will carry out your knee replacement surgery.” So combining anything automotive with the surname Carr is probably out (except possibly as a second name – if you have to!) or anything really outlandish (at least for Australian culture) like “Toyota” or “Mitsubishi”.
Other names have a lot more promise, partly because they were names for people before they were names for cars. The one topping the list here is, of course, Mercedes. In the pre-WWI era, a designer named Emil Jellinek for working for Daimler decided to honour his daughter by naming a line of vehicles after her. The cars were good and the name “Mercedes” caught on and was continued long after the merger with Benz. (Note: if you have the surname Benz, don’t call your daughter Mercedes.) Other good names that are now associated with cars but are (or were) decent people names are:
- Ford (boys)
- Holden (boys)
- Lincoln (boys)
- Royce as in Rolls-Royce (probably boys but you could possibly get away with calling a girl Royce).
- McLaren (boys)
- Bentley (probably boys but maybe a girl)
- Aston (boys)
- Martin (as in Aston Martin) (boys)
- Austin (more of a boy’s name but could be OK for a girl)
- Morris (boys)
Other car marques may not have been taken from names (some have been) but you can probably get away with them as they sound fairly similar to other names out there and won’t sound too outrageous, especially with alternative spellings:
- Lexus (probably girls but OK for a guy)
- Alfa or Alpha (boys or girls)
- Romeo (boys – although he may not thank you!)
- Chevy (boys and girls)
- Opal – sounds like Opel (girls)
- Portia – sounds like Porsche pronounced the right way (girls)
- Minnie (girls – although she’ll have to put up with the nickname Mouse)
- Suzie (short for Isuzu or Suzuki – girls)
- Chrysler (probably boys)
- Tesla (probably girls)
- Lotus (for a girl –preferably if she’s got a bit of Asian in her genetic mix)
You don’t have to stick to marque names. Model names are a much richer source of inspiration as well as making life a bit easier on your child. You may love Renault cars but don’t want to saddle your daughter with the name “Renault”, but Clio and Megane are just fine. If you’re a Saab fan, then Griffin would work for a boy (so would Viggen if you look a bit Scandinavian). And what about Lizzie as in Tin Lizzie as in the classic Model T Ford? Sierra, Ranger, Cressida, Cherokee, Cooper and Octavia, Laurel and Astra won’t raise too many eyebrows. These days, you can probably get away with Wrangler, Cayenne, Jetta, Odyssey, Leaf, Genesis and Journey as well… but only just. Car parts such as Axel might be OK, but avoid Dipstick. Turning to the two-wheeled world, there are plenty of Harleys out there.
However, there are probably some “don’t go there” names. Spare a thought for the kids out there who have been saddled with the following
- Diesel
- Veight (as in V8)
- Jaguar
- Jeep
- Audi
- Cougar
- Falcon
- Paxton (after the supercharger system)
- Camry
- Dodge
- DeLorean
You should definitely avoid the following, which haven’t (at least as far as I know) been given to children. At least I hope not…
- Volvo (change the vowels…)
- Studebaker
- Avenger
- Cruiser
- Rover and Landrover
- Maloo
- Ute
- Fiat
- Aircross
- Evo
- Pajero
- Volkswagen
- Getz
- Tiida
Of course, if you originate from Japan or Korea, you are better placed than I am to comment on the wisdom of calling your child Suzuki, Ssangyong, Nissan, Subaru or Mitsubishi. You can probably get away with it and claim that it’s traditional.
What other car-related children’s names have people come across, considered for their children or even been given? Share your best finds here?
Safe and happy driving,
Megan (No, my parents did not drive a Renault!)
The Fastest Boat On The Road And Other Amphibians
Along with flying cars, amphibious vehicles would have to make the list of highly desirable vehicles from sci-fi movies, books and graphic novels. We are still waiting for the flying car but progress has been made in the amphibious vehicle department.
In fact, a lot of progress towards amphibious vehicles was made back in the World War 2 and Cold War era, with the two most successful being the Schwimmwagen and the Amphicar, being produced during WW2 and in the early 1960s respectively. Both were made in Germany.
The Schwimmwagen was based on a Volkwagen (in fact, the Volkswagen and Porsche factories were responsible for making them). As they were made for the army, they still hold the record for being the most widely produced amphibious car, with around 14,000 originally turned out. However, less than 200 remain today, although the few that are in existence are highly prized collectors’ items that only occasionally risk going onto the water. What happened to the rest of them is uncertain. Possibly some of them sank. Or they may have been bombed to smithereens.
On land, the Schwimmwagen was a very rough and ready 4×4 with a four-speed manual gearbox and a 25-hp 4-cylinder 1.1-L engine. Four-wheel-drive was only available in reverse and in first gear. When the Schwimmwagen trundled down into the water, the driver lowered the three-blade propeller at the back, which engaged with the driveshaft and got the vehicle moving through the water. Ground clearance was a pretty decent 11 inches and it seated about three people. Creature comforts were next to nothing, this being a military vehicle, although it did have run-flat tyres and a spare wheel mounted on the front bonnet – or should you call it the bow? An American intelligence report described it as looking like “a small civilian sports car”, which suggests that 1940s sports cars must have been rather rough and ready.
The Amphicar was a peacetime vehicle and it was intended for mass production. Sadly, only 4000 were produced; again, these are now highly prized collectors’ items. The Amphicar was a two-door cabriolet with a Triumph Herald engine under the bonnet/bow. This engine was a 1.2-L 32-kW affair that was harnessed to a 4-speed manual transmission. The Amphicar was capable of getting up to a respectable 70 mph on the land and 7 knots on the water, which caused the designers to call it the Model 770. It wasn’t a speedster but, as one owner described it, it was still “the fastest boat on the road”. You can’t have everything, after all. In spite of one review saying that it was a vehicle that “revolutionized drowning”, it was reasonably good on the water, and has been able to cross the English Channel and cross the Yukon River. Well maintained Amphicars are still taken for little jaunts across water quite safely (or at least as safely as any other boat) by enthusiast clubs.
The most famous owner of the Amphicar by far was former US President Lyndon B. Johnson. When not dealing with hassles to do with the Vietnam War, the Civil Rights movement and trying to beat the Soviets in the space race, LBJ liked to drive his Amphicar downhill into a lake in front of unsuspecting people while yelling that his brakes had failed for the fun of watching his victims panic.
Other amphibious vehicles, past and present can be found on the road, in car museums and occasionally on the water, such as the American military DUKW (inevitably called the Duck) and the more recent Gibbs amphibious vehicles (Aquada, Quadski and Humdinga/Amphitruck). They certainly look like a lot of fun, although they’re not in the same league as James Bond’s aquatic Lotus Esprit. Nevertheless, I think that you and I will probably be tying the kayak onto the roof rails or hitching up the boat trailer for some time to come.
Safe and happy driving (or boating),
Megan
Level 2, 9 Help Street