Cute and Crazy Convertibles

Temperatures are heating up now, and with the excitement of warm days and summer sun ahead of us, what better way to get around Australia’s best roads than in an open top car? This year has some exciting convertibles you can buy new. But if you can’t quite afford that pricey new Porsche Boxter, then there are always some of those classic rides out there; rides like a legendary Mazda MX-5, BMW 3 Series Cabriolet or even a Volkswagen EOS. If a classic car doesn’t float your boat, then let’s take a look at the new models on offer that deliver real excitement and the pleasures of wind in the hair and sun on the back.

There are two convertibles that are going to get you on the move with the top down that aren’t costing big money. Here they are:

Mazda MX-5

Yes, they are still making them! The latest generation Mazda MX-5 is still as delightful to drive as the very first model that rolled out of the factory in Japan. That cheeky look, sweet little engine, and perfectly balanced handling make the Mazda MX-5 very hard to walk past. And if those attributes don’t clinch the deal for you, then the price will make it ten times harder. Mazda is selling the 2023 MX-5 Convertible for anywhere between $42 and $54k depending on the model of your choice (there are six). Sprightly performance doesn’t have to be thirsty, and with the 2.0-litre engine developing 135 kW of power and 205 Nm of torque, the small Mazda MX-5 is a sparkling car to drive.  You have the option of a six-speed manual or auto transmission, and any MX-5 comes with autonomous emergency braking, blind-spot monitoring, rear cross-traffic alert and traffic sign recognition.

MINI Convertible

No less than ten MINI Convertibles models can be had from $49–78k. Two robust engine units power the little open-top Mini: these are the 1.5 Turbo and 2.0 Turbo petrol engines. Of course, they come in various performance guises, the most potent being the 170 kW John Cooper Works Minis. Again, this is another Convertible with lovable looks, and the thing about owning a Mini is that you can have your Mini with as many of the options as you like in a way that suits your tastes. The chances are you will be able to make your new MINI Convertible uniquely your own and different from any other, depending on how large your wallet is, of course!

If money isn’t an issue, then there are currently another 20-odd more convertibles for you to choose from. The most insane ones would have to be the Lamborghini Huracan, McLaren 750S, the Aston Martin Vantage, or the Ferrari F8 Spyder and Ferrari 812 GTS. But there are also nice BMWs, Audis and Jags to be had, and even a Lexus. So do go and check them out, as this small list isn’t the complete deal.

But do you really want to know my favourite?

At around $200k it isn’t the cheapest nor is it the most expensive by a long chalk.  However, the 6.2-litre petrol 2023 Chevrolet Corvette Stingray with its glorious looks and scintillating drive wins me over hands down.  The V8 motor sounds epic when opened up, and with 369 kW and 637 Nm put through an 8-speed automatic gearbox to the LSD RWD set-up with launch control, this is the car dreams are made of.  The car’s claimed top speed is 310 km/h, and a 0–100 km/h sprint is ticked off in around 3 seconds.

Wind in the hair motoring!  Ain’t it the best!

Cheesy Car Accessories

I don’t know what it is about cars, but we tend to have much more of a personal relationship with them than we do with any other machine or gadget we own. For example, very few people give their lawnmowers nicknames (although I have met someone who named their heavy-duty rotovator Brutus). You don’t see many people putting bumper stickers on weed-whackers or polishing chainsaws. Motorbikes and boats get similar treatment, so my pet theory is that deep down, we think of cars and other forms of transport as a sort of mechanical horse or a type of animal, and we treat it accordingly (this also explains why the rotovator got named Brutus: it was big enough to fit into the mental category of “beast of burden”).

Anyway, because we have such a personal transport with our wheels, we like to personalize them a bit. And sometimes, some of the ways that we do it can be a bit on the cheesy side. I’m not talking about bumper stickers – although they can get pretty cheesy as well – or about bodykit.  Some accessories get very cheesy indeed.  Here’s a handful of some of the best (in terms of cheesiness, that is!).

#1. Eyelashes

Yes, we all know that certain small cars have cute little round headlights that look like eyes. The company Car Lashes has given you the chance to put eyelashes on them, making your cute little car look even cuter. You get the choice of black, pink and iridescent, and they fit on all models. The website (https://carlashes.com/) has some other examples of automotive bling, mostly of the very girly type.

#2. Truck Nuts

If eyelashes are girly, these definitely aren’t.  Truck nuts or “truck nutz” are fake testicles hung from the rear of a car.  They’re definitely controversial, with some parts of the USA banning them altogether as obscene.  Personally, I think they look a bit eerie, especially the really lifelike ones, as they look like the result of a really, really nasty accident.  The original maker was Bulls Balls, and they have a range in less lifelike colours (have a look at https://bullsballs.com/ if you must).

#3. Dinky Exhaust Tips

Most modern cars tend to hide the tailpipes away; in the case of EVs, of course, tailpipes are non-existent. Some customized exhaust pipes are there to alter the sound, but others are added on just for the looks. A quick browse revealed iridescent ones, heart-shaped tips and Hello Kitty exhaust tips (the image below is from https://kawaiigarage.co/).

#4. Tyre Valve Caps

These aren’t as in-your-face as other cheese accessories, but they are still very cheesy.  If you want to liven up the task of rotating the tyres or checking the pressure, then this can be done with valve caps. These come from simple coloured ones (which are more tasteful than cheesy) through to glow in the dark skulls, pretty pink blossoms, dice, crowns, rhinestones, beer cans, bullets…

(this one’s from Amazon )

#5 Vroominators

If you’ve never come across the word “vroominator” before (I hadn’t), this is a gadget that you can plug into the 12-volt outlet of your car so that it sounds like you are driving a nice throaty V8. It takes cues from the alternator, so it makes the right sort of rumble or roar at the right time (and it doesn’t work on EVs). It can only be heard on the inside of the vehicle.

#6 Shift Knobs (And Covers).

Not all shift knobs are cheesy.  Some are quite tasteful.  Others… aren’t.  Along the same line, covers for shift knobs stop crumbs and other gunk getting down into the mechanism of the gear changes. Again, these can be tasteful or very tacky. I’ve spared you the rude ones but they exist…

Knob from https://www.hotrodshiftknob.com/

Katana cover from Amazon

The Ford CEO’s EV Road Trip Reality Check

Well, kudos where kudos is due.  I came across an automotive news story recently that was too good not to pass on.  It’s always good when you read of the CEO of any company getting out of their ivory tower or glass-walled office to get their hands dirty and/or do a bit of road-testing for themselves rather than letting those in the lower echelons do it. That’s exactly what happened recently in the case of Jim Farley, the CEO of Ford in the USA.

Ford USA has been putting a fair bit of R&D investment into the upcoming electrical ute, the F-150 Lightning (not yet available in Australia at the time of writing, but we can keep our fingers crossed).  Now, the idea of this vehicle was that it was supposed to be for rural types in rural areas. The idea was to make the sort of thing that belongs in a Country and Western song: the trusty old pickup that can handle dirt roads.  However, instead of just leaving things to the developers and the number-crunchers and the sort of people who test battery life and performance under ideal conditions, Mr Farley decided that the best thing to do was to pull a Bertha Benz and take the new vehicle out on the road, partly as a real-world road test and partly as a publicity stunt.

And if you’re going to go on a high-profile road trip across the United States, there’s only one road that springs to mind (hint: it’s not the Pan-American Highway). Yes, Jim Farley headed out in the all-electric Ford F-150 Lightning on the legendary Route 66. Naturally, he posted the highlights of his trip on social media, specifically on Linked In and on Twitter or X or whatever it’s calling itself today. Yes, the fact that the Ford CEO documented his experiences with this ute that’s specifically designed to be a rival to Tesla’s Cybertruck on the platform owned by the CEO of Tesla is deliciously ironic (but I guess it’s proof that Musk is serious about the no censorship thing – so kudos to him as well).

The F-150 Lightning behaved itself nicely on the road, but there was one issue that Mr Farley described as a “reality check”: charging times.  Not that he ran out of zap or anything like that, but one thing he found was that when he came to some of the more popular charging stations, all the really fast superchargers were taken up, so he had to plug in to one of the slower ones.  He reported that it took him 40 minutes to get to 40% charge, and he acknowledged that this is a “challenge” faced by customers. Superfast charging was great, he found, but the slower chargers, not so much.  And, being in the position to do something about it, it looks like plans are afoot to improve the charging infrastructure in the USA.

It would be interesting if someone would do a similar road trip here in Australia. It should include the Great Ocean Road, but as that’s only 240-ish kms long, perhaps the Big Lap on Highway 1 would be a real test (give us your suggestions as to what would be a good test in the comments).  Do we have suitable charging infrastructure here to ensure that road trips for business or pleasure – to say nothing of everyday driving – is smooth and efficient?  Perhaps we’ll find, like those in the US, that perhaps we don’t have the infrastructure in place to go all-out electric (to say nothing of the ability to generate electricity).  After all, EVs are only part of the equation when it comes to cutting down or cutting out fossil fuels, with biofuels and hydrogen being the other pathways that don’t seem to be quite getting enough attention.

However, the longer charging times weren’t all bad.  One thing that Mr Farley reported was that there seemed to be something of a community of EV drivers gathering around the charging stations, and perfect strangers would start talking to each other in the time spent waiting for (a) a free charger and (b) the battery to charge.  It’s like the car and the shared need created a connection and introduced people. If you’ve got a motorbike, you’ve probably experienced something similar even at petrol stations: other bikers (and former bikers and those who admire bikers) will start chatting.  If there’s one thing that we learned during the Covid lockdowns, as well as washing our hands properly, it’s that in-person connections are important.  Perhaps the enforced waiting and slowing down of EV charging stations will be good for humanity at a psychological level… or perhaps I’m being idealistic here, as it could equally lead to frustrations and the opportunity for entitled people to show their worst sides.

How To Really Annoy Other Drivers: The 10 Worst Driving Habits

OK, everybody, gather round. Mama’s going to teach you how to be a terrible driver*. You know the one: that driver, the one who everybody hates and who nobody wants to ride with. In fact, I’m going to tell you about all the bad habits that you simply must acquire if you want to lose friends and irritate people.

*For the sake of any non-human robots reading this, this article is an example of the ancient art of sarcasm and irony.

Of course, there are plenty of bad habits when it comes to driving, but these are some of the most annoying. They aren’t stupidly dangerous, like running red lights or driving on the wrong side of the road, but they are still somewhat dangerous all the same.

#1: Incorrect Indicators

Those amber lights on the side of your car front and back are designed to let your fellow drivers know if you are about to change lane or turn a corner. But other people should be able to read your mind, right? After all, you should be able to go where you want to when you want to, and why should you be bothered taking time to use those indicators, even though the lever for applying them is right by your hand (assuming you’ve got both hands on your steering wheel, that is). Failure to use them will really make the blood of other drivers boil quite satisfactorily.

However, this isn’t the only way to annoy your fellow drivers with your poor indicator habits. A safer way to mis-indicate is to turn on your indicators far too early and keep everybody guessing as to whether you’re turning the corner or turning into a driveway. At least the people behind you will slow down so they don’t bang into your rear end, and you can hold them up for ages and then (extra bonus points) accuse them of Annoying Driving Habit #2.

#2: Tailgating

Yes, you’ve heard of the two second rule, but that’s for wimps, right? After all, that person in front of you has had his or her indicators on for the last minute, so you can hardly be blamed for driving a scant metre from their rear bumper. Besides, why did they put bumper stickers on the rear of their car if they didn’t expect you to read them? Never mind that you’re driving so close that the driver in front of you doesn’t dare to slow down one iota to avoid you rear-ending them. That’s a way of ensuring that everybody keeps up to the right speed, right?

Even if you’re a little further away and are able to stop in time if the driver in front of you does finally decide to turn into a driveway or if they have to stop for something insignificant, like a dog running into the road, you can still annoy and intimidate them. After all, you’re only sticking close to them waiting for a chance to overtake, and they’re guilty of Annoying Driving Habit #3.

#3: Channelling Your Inner Gandalf

Every time someone comes up close behind you, you need to get your battered grey hat and wizard’s staff on and shout “You shall not pass!” However, if you’re unable to make the road crack at their feet, sending them plunging like a balrog into the chasm beneath the Bridge of Khazad-Dum, there’s a simpler way to stop the people behind you from overtaking and annoy them at the same time. If you’re really lucky, they may let out a suitable enraged roar.

All you need to do is to keep your speed really slow during all the bits of road that are windy, filled with oncoming traffic or painted with pretty yellow lines down the middle. Once these useful areas have shifted to open, empty straight roads with passing lanes, speed up to the full speed limit so that the driver in the car either doesn’t pass you or is forced to break the speed limit to get past you. Bonus points if you can bait them into doing so going past a speed trap or when there’s a cop hiding behind a bush.

This surefire way to annoy all your fellow drivers is best combined with Annoying Driving Habits #4 and #5.

#4: Not Pulling Over

OK, so there’s a queue of traffic piling up behind you like you’re leading them to freedom. At long last, you’ve come to part of the road with a wide shoulder, or possibly even a slow vehicle bay. To get the satisfaction of completely ticking off every single one of those drivers and their passengers, don’t pull over. Just keep on driving and staying in your lane.

#5: Living In The Fast Lane

Finally, to ensure that your fellow drivers start shouting dubious things about your ancestry and your love life, get into the fast lane or the passing lane (in Australia, that’s the one on the right that doesn’t have the oncoming traffic). And stay there. Don’t go at speeds that get used when overtaking. Don’t even go at the open road speed. Go just below it.

After all, you can’t let anybody pass you, as they may be guilty of Annoying Driving Habit #6.

#6: Scantily Clad Loads

If you have a ute or if you’re towing a trailer, it makes sense to tie down anything large like tables and chairs. You don’t want the inconvenience of losing that. However, if you’re taking a load of garbage to the dump or if you have a lot of things in the back that you don’t mind losing, such as leaves, grass clippings or stones. So to ensure that you enrage your fellow drivers, don’t bother covering this load. Leave it naked, even. That way, some will blow back as you drive, right into the windscreen of whoever’s behind you (see Annoying Driving Habit #2). If your load involved stones or gravel, then you may be lucky enough to chip their windscreen. Extra bonus points if the person behind you is getting about on a motorbike or bicycle– those peasants who don’t have as many wheels as you deserve a load of old barbecue ash in the face, right?

If you don’t have a trailer or a ute, you can get a similar effect by applying Annoying Driving Habit #7.

#7: Litterbugs

Your car is your castle, and you don’t want to clutter up your precious car with old coffee cups, uneaten fast food meals and packages, etc. You could merely keep these in a bag and dispose of them at the end of your journey, but why squander the opportunity to irritate not just other drivers but pedestrians, home owners, town councils and environmentalists? Out the window with it!

Throwing an apple core or peach pit out into the grass in the middle of the countryside is for amateurs. If you do this when nobody is in sight, this won’t annoy anybody. However, for maximum effect, dispose of plastic, paper or glass that you can’t be bothered with any longer, and do it in a built-up area.

However, a still-burning cigarette butt (here, I’m assuming that the way you drive isn’t your only bad habit) might be a bit too far. After all, you could hit a cyclist in the face with hot ash or, during drought season, start a fire. And the person behind you might be indulging in Annoying Driving Habit #8, meaning that they’ll be able to squeal to the authorities and get you into hot water.

#8: Staying Glued To Your Phone

You spend a lot of time in your car and you’ve got a busy life, so of course you NEED to stay on your phone. There are calls to take, and you’re pretty sure that you saw a text message or Snapchat or maybe it was a notification on Messenger from your boss or maybe it was your boyfriend or possibly it was your mother, but you’d better check, and then even if it came from the person in the group chat from the book club commenting on the latest bit of chick lit you’re working through at the moment, well you have to read it then and there because it would be rude to ghost them and just leave them with a Seen message without even a like or an emoji, right**? You have to consider the people in your life who are there only virtually ahead of the drivers around you! Besides, if checking your phone leads you to miss a light changing, make manoeuvres at the last minute (see Annoying Driving Habit #1) or swerve in front of people, you’ll annoy them to perfection.

Moreover, if you want to indulge in Annoying Driving Habit #9, you have to curate the right Spotify list.

#9: Wannabe DJs

You might not have the world’s most expensive car but you certainly have a very good sound system with very powerful speakers. If you’ve gone to all that effort, you have to flaunt it, right? Wind that speaker up, put your windows down and let that music play! Now, doing this with middle of the road music might only mildly annoy people. But to really grind people’s gears, select something that is loved by only a select few, preferably with dodgy lyrics of the sort that would have seen your grandfather getting his mouth washed out with soap by great-grandma.

If you’re a fan of this particular habit, then you probably regret the fact that Elon Musk chickened out on having some varieties of Tesla making fart noises when travelling at slow speeds. You’d have had a lot of fun with that – think of how many people you could tick off with an EV with a loud stereo and farting noises, especially if you drove past where they’re coming out of a funeral or something along those lines. However, that would probably mean that you’d drain your battery fairly quickly and have to drag yourself to the nearest supermarket with a charging station (see Annoying Driving Habits #4 and #5) and hope that someone else hasn’t decided to try in Annoying Driving Habit #10.

#10: Entitled Parking

It’s raining, so you want to park close to the doors of the mall or the supermarket or K-Mart or your other retail destination of choice. Otherwise, you might have to WALK (Gasp! The horror!). So park wherever you like. You’ll have the satisfaction of getting people’s goat and getting their knickers in a twist if you park your car somewhere clearly designated for something special (who do they think they are, right?). Put your 4×4 in the disabled parking spot or in the mothers with babies parks (your 4×4 will probably blend in with the others in the parents-only carparks anyway as long as nobody sees that you don’t have baby seats cluttering up your back seat). Or to become everybody’s least favourite person, park your 5-litre petrol or diesel in the EV charging spaces.

Now, have I missed any?  Who wants to suggest a few more annoying habits guaranteed to irritate?

**100 words in one sentence – I think that’s my personal best. Tell me, are you not annoyed?