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Airbag Syndrome
Automotive safety has come a long way in the last 15 years or so. Once upon a time, the only safety features in your
typical family car were seatbelts and the brake… and maybe the horn. Back then seat belts were not always found in the rear seats, especially in older cars when I was a child. Today, though, you’ve got the works. In any new car worth its salt, you’ve got head rests to protect against whiplash, antisubmarining features in the seatbelts, three point-seat belts all round, crumple zones, pyrotechnic pretensioned seatbelts, airbags here, airbags there and airbags everywhere, including by the driver’s knee. And that’s just the passive safety features. In the active department, there’s ABS brakes, dynamic stability control (or whatever the stability package is called – the name varies from marque to marque), hill start control, traction control, brake assist and on and on. Really safe modern cars also tackle the human factors side of things, with cars that can sense that you’re getting into a pickle and start getting ready for a crash or apply the brakes automatically, or warn you if it detects you’re getting sleepy (a few of the most recent Mercedes
numbers do this) or senses things coming in from the side or… They’re thinking up new things all the time. And good on the designers for doing so and trying to make cars safer to drive.
But there’s a downside to all this: something I’ll have to call Airbag Syndrome.
Airbag Syndrome is what happens when a driver and/or the passengers neglect a few absolute basics – sometimes defying the law to do so – because their car has got a particular safety feature which they believe will keep them safe. You’ve probably seen the sort of thing I mean:
- Not bothering with seatbelts (so restrictive) because the car has airbags;
- Approaching corners and intersections way too fast because the braking and cornering assistance will take care of things;
- Not bothering to actually look behind you or ensure that the driveway is clear or skateboards, cats, random toys and small children because the car has a reversing camera (some of these things are too low down to be picked up by the camera);
- Spending ages fiddling with all the gadgets on the car or texting etc. with eyes off the road, knowing that warnings will appear and emergency braking can be applied if needed;
- Other things – give us your examples in the comments.
Airbag Syndrome can be defined as a misunderstanding of what safety features, active and passive, are for. They are not supposed to replace the driver’s noggin but to enhance it. Even if we own the safest of safest cars with the highest possible ANCAP ratings, we shouldn’t let this lull us into a false sense of invulnerability. No matter how good a safety system is, we shouldn’t take them for granted or let the car do our thinking for us. After all, as anyone who’s owned a car for any length of time has found out, things do go wrong and malfunction at odd moments.
No way am I knocking safety features in cars. But they should never replace basic common sense or good driving habits.
Car Wash Machines: A Good Thing Or Not?
Going through the car wash used to be something of a treat when I was a child, especially as we lived in a small town and a mechanical car wash at a garage was something that only happened when we went into a larger town. It was just a little bit scary as well as fun – were those big mechanical arms going to go too far and crush the car? Would those rubbery things going flubbida-flubbida-flubbida against the window going to break the glass? Would the machine let us out again at the end? But out we would come in the family Mitsubishi station wagon, all clean and gleaming again, without any of the dust from all the back roads, just like magic. The added bonus was that I wasn’t going to be sent out to the driveway with a brush and a bucket of hot soapy water.
Today, I’m back there with the bucket of water (when I can’t persuade my teenagers to do the job), for two reasons, mostly. Firstly, if I’m going to spend a couple of bucks getting my car cleaned, I’d rather pay the kids to do it instead of the garage, as this will stop them (the kids, that is) pestering me for extra cash. Secondly, I have the sort of car that doesn’t like car washes: a Nissan Navara ute with an open deck at the back. Some types of car wash machine just don’t like these.
There’s no denying that a car wash machine is quick and convenient, and if you’ve just had a flock of seagulls crap on your car, it can be the quickest way of getting the muck off before it etches itself into the paint.
There is a strong school of thought that says that you shouldn’t take your car through a car wash machine at all, as they can ruin the finish. Those brushes and whiplike rubber things that went flubbida-flubbida-flubbida on the windscreen and the sides can scratch the paint and damage the finish. They have come up with new brushless washes these days that aren’t so harsh. However, the detergents used with a brushless wash are harsh chemically and can also do a bit of damage to your paintwork – to say nothing of what they do to the environment once they trickle off your car and into the wastewater system. And there’s always the risk of mirrors, antennae and body kit being knocked to Kingdom Come by the machines.
The other reason why car washes are shunned by many, especially the real automotive enthusiasts, is because washing a car by hand allows you lots of time to get up close and personal with the car. You notice if something in the exterior trim is coming awry or if something needs attention. And you can get the satisfaction making your pride and joy look splendid and making sure the job’s done right. There’s nothing like a personal touch…
There are still others who avoid car wash machines not because of the cost, nor because of what it might do to their car nor because of the environmental downsides of all that water and all that strong detergent. These are people with a touch of claustrophobia for whom going through a car wash is absolute terror.
In closing, for those of you who were wondering, the good folk down at the garage with the car wash machine have to calibrate it periodically to make sure that the water jets are pointing in the right direction and can wash things properly all the way down. They do this by running a guinea pig car through, preferably a white one with lots of dirt on it, so they can see exactly where the dirt is and isn’t getting washed. I found this out because my brother has a lowered-suspension white Subaru that his local garage uses as the guinea pig, seeing as he gets his car grubby frequently and he starts out early in the morning when they want to calibrate the machine. So he gets his washed for free, with the possibility that it won’t get done right. Lucky for him!
Petrolheads and Automotive Enthusiasts
Some time ago, my fellow blogger Lewis wrote about full-time and part-time drivers and the differences between them. Now, I’ve already responded to this post once, but a second bit of comment is called for. Not all full-time drivers are the same. They can be split into “petrolheads” and “automotive enthusiasts”.
“Petrolheads” are the full-time drivers we all love to hate. In their mildest version, they are all about power and performance – they want something that goes fast and hard. They hate to be overtaken. They get passionate about whether the car sports a blue oval or a red lion. They like to modify their exhausts so the entire neighbourhood can hear just how good their engine is. They may even, like our next-door neighbours once did with their new Ford Ranger, decide to demonstrate burnouts in the mud in the small hours of the morning (said neighbour also demonstrated brand new chainsaw at 3:00 a.m. on that particular night).
There are several subspecies of petrolhead. Some are Fulltimeus petrolheadus redneckii. These ones believe that size counts – size of engine, size of vehicle, etc. They don’t mind their cars a bit rough around the edges at times. Think muscle cars. Think flame decals and go-faster racing stripes. Think Dukes of Hazzard horns. Got the picture? The other subspecies of petrolhead is Fulltimeus petrolheadus boyracerae. These ones are all about sleek looks and speed. They are the ones that do drag races on the public roads and pour oil on the tarmac in the middle of the intersections. Think booming stereos and very serious body kit, especially massive spoilers.
Petrolheads value their cars for what they can do, for the most part. The car is a means to an end, and they often have half an eye out for a new one that is bigger, better, noisier, sleeker, lower, etc. If they tinker with cars (something more likely in the F. petrolheadus redneckii subspecies) it’s to throw in some performance-enhancing modification or customisation. Or a new sound system that’s likely to register on nearby seismographs.
Then you have the automotive enthusiasts. These are the ones who get emotionally attached to their cars- usually one particular vehicle that they’ve had for diddly-umpteen years. They can also get passionate about a particular marque but, unlike their petrolhead siblings, tend to hunt out older classic versions of their favourites. They give their cars nicknames but wouldn’t dream about getting this name spraypainted across the bonnet. Nor would they violate the integrity of a classic with some vulgar modification such as a big bore exhaust or a bonnet-blower (don’t even talk about spoilers). A personalised plate is probably about as far as it goes. When they drive their precious vehicle, which is usually saved for weekends or holidays, they are quite content to potter along at a smooth, sedate pace.
Automotive enthusiasts do tinker with their cars, usually doing restoration work or their own repairs on a vehicle they’ve owned since 1980 something or earlier (“You can’t do your own repairs on these modern electronic computerised thingies the way you can with old classics like my wee beauty.”). If they brag about their cars, it’s about how many kilometres they’ve managed to clock up “without any mechanical trouble; they just don’t make them how they used to.”
Cross-breeds between petrolheads and automotive enthusiasts do exist. Females of both species have been spotted from time to time.
The Last Car Journey You’ll Ever Take
Two things are inevitable in life, they say: death and taxes. Taxes come annually and don’t usually mean a ride in a special sort of vehicle (unless you’ve been dodging taxes but that’s another story). But when the ultimate inevitable comes for you, like it came for my father-in-law recently, you will take your last trip inside a hearse.
I used to think that a hearse was a specially built type of vehicle, something along the lines of a London taxi or an ambulance. This is not the case – and it isn’t the case for an ambulance, either, as quite a few around the world are modified trade vans along the lines of a Ford Transit. . Hearses are also modified regular vehicles. Not too much modification is required, either. You just have to choose your car right.
So what are the requirements for a hearse?
First of all, you’re going to need a five-door job, as the coffin goes in and out of the tailgate. Obviously, a five-door hatchback isn’t going to do the job, as it isn’t long enough in the back. Oddly enough, MPV vehicles don’t seem to be used as hearses, at least as far as I have seen, although this may change, given the carrying capacity of these vehicles and the increase in crossover vehicles that combine elegant styling (a must for a hearse) with a long rear load space. According to one undertaker I spoke to about preferred vehicles, Ford Falcon and Holden Commodore station wagons are pretty popular, and just about any big station wagon would do, as long as the rear seats fold completely flat. A quick flick around a used hearse sale site (you really can find anything online), reveals that the Saab 9-5 , Mercedes Benz E Class and even the odd Daimler gets used.
Next come the styling considerations. Obviously, something in bright zippy red isn’t going to go down too well. Black seems to be the most popular choice, although dark greys, deep green and navy blue would also work, although I haven’t seen a hearse in these colours yet. A touch of chrome isn’t out of place here and there. Big rear windows are also on the shopping list for a lot of undertakers, or they get added as a modification.
Power and performance aren’t high on the list of considerations for a hearse, although a canny undertaker would probably want something with decent fuel economy. Hearses don’t have to go fast, seeing as funeral processions to the church and the graveside tend to be solemn, dignified drives. Or should be – at my father-in-law’s funeral, we had quite a way to go along rural roads to the grave site and the hearse driver didn’t half plant his boot and nearly lost some of the other drivers in the procession. Good suspension and handling for smoothing out bumps and corners without sending wreaths slithering and bouncing all around the place are a bonus.
Then come the modifications. The most important modification is a little roller device mounted in what was the back of the rear seat so the coffin slides in and out easily. Another common modification in hearses is a “wreath rail”, designed to rest floral emblems on so they can be seen clearly from outside the vehicle. Other modifications are possible, including the flamboyant additions seen on some Japanese hearses.
Some hearses are quite old vehicles that are starting to push classic status. Hearses don’t get driven every day and when they do, they’re usually given short, sedate drives. This means that they don’t see as much wear and tear as other commercial vehicles and last a lot longer.
Some car enthusiasts, usually those with slight Goth tendencies, search out used hearses as their regular cars.
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