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Stereotypes: The Granny Hatch
Usually seen: In driveways or garages of little cottages or units, supermarket carparks in the middle of the day, outside charity shops.
Typical examples: Suzuki Swift , Fiat Uno, Honda Jazz .
Description:
(Disclaimer: although this car is referred to as a granny hatch, it could equally be driven by Grandpa. However, given the life expectancy stats for the sexes, it’s more likely that the lone elderly driver will be female.)
Granny hatchbacks are, of course, hatchbacks, usually of the three-doored variety, unless Granny has taken to breeding dogs in her semi-retirement, in which case she will have a five-door to let the doggies in and out. Even if she isn’t a dog breeder, there is a high chance that there will be something small, fluffy and yappy bouncing up and down on the rear seat when Granny is in the supermarket picking up the groceries.
Granny does her best on a small pension, so frugality is the name of the game. When she does get down to the garage where the attendant will fill up the tank for her, she doesn’t want a nasty bill at the end of it, especially as she remembers the days when fuel was a lot less than a dollar a litre (the price of things these days….). The hatchback will have a teeny weeny engine and superb fuel economy – the engine size will never be over 2.5 litres. The granny hatch of today may be a hybrid or even an electric car. However, the granny hatch has probably been Granny’s faithful form of transport for years. In some cases, the car even has a name.
There is probably a pillow on the driver’s seat to supplement any lumbar support in the seats. Apart from this, you will not find much floating around in the cabin. Inspection of the glovebox and other storage compartments will reveal a very well-thumbed map that is somewhat yellowed and softened with age, with some bits rubbed off where the creases have been folded and unfolded for years. The map is probably also out-of-date and doesn’t have the bypass leading to the new subdivision on the edge of town. You will also find a packet of old-fashioned wrapped sweets, such as barley sugars or Lifesaver mints, a box of tissues and a few loose coins just in case. . If Granny is particularly old-fashioned, there may be a pair of driving gloves. Some cars have a strategically placed plastic bag for used tissues and sweet wrappers. Recent additions may include a doggy seatbelt to comply with the new dogs in cars laws in some states
When Granny passes on to a better world or becomes incapable of driving, used car salespeople will rub their hands in glee at the prospect of being able to sell a car that really has had one little old lady owner. However, prospective buyers ought to be aware that if this really is the truth, the engine won’t have had much hot running and the clutch has seen a lot of action and may be a bit worn.
Of course, not all grannies drive little hatchbacks. My late grandmother bought herself an Alfa Romeo sports car when she reached her 70s. Unfortunately, I didn’t get it in her legacy (I got the collection of vintage clothing).
Safe and happy driving,
Megan
Windscreen Washing Fluid DIY
One of the many signs on the dashboard of my Volvo is flickering on and off at the moment, but I probably don’t need to worry about it. This is because I do know the real meaning (rather than the silly meanings ) of my dashboard lights and the thing that’s showing is the one for the windscreen wiper fluid. It’s only showing when I go up or down slopes, suggesting that the liquid is slopping up and down, leaving the sensor high and dry momentarily.
Of course, no light on your dashboard should be ignored indefinitely and all the fluids need to be kept topped up. The last thing I want is to have my vision obscured by a lot of moth residue or a collection of marks created by (1) a bird sitting on or just above the car, (2) the cat sneaking up on said bird by way of the car roof and (3) the mess left by the bird as it takes off with the cat leaping at it. So it’s going to be top-up time very soon. The choice then will be what to use to fill the tank of window washing fluid up. And there are a lot of options!
Option #1: Proprietary Windscreen Washing Fluid
This is the easy option that a lot of us opt for. You whip down to the local automotive supplies shop and pick up a bottle of something designed for washing windscreens. Follow the instructions on the packet and there we go. The advantage of this method is that it will do the job properly and get the bugs and dirt off your windscreen with minimal effort or streaking. The disadvantage is that it’s the costliest option.
Option #2: Ordinary Window Cleaning Fluid
If you already have a bottle of fluid designed for cleaning windows and glass around your house, you can use this for topping up your windscreen washer fluid. Your windscreen is glass, isn’t it? You don’t need to use this at full strength, as this will prove rather costly. Dilute it with ordinary water at a ratio of one part window cleaning fluid to two parts water. Shake well and put it into your reservoir. The advantage of this is that it will clean without streaking and it’s probably cheaper than using “proper” windscreen fluid (although it’s probably chemically identical). You can also use what you have around the home or what you can pick up at the supermarket without making a special trip to the automotive supplies shop (although there goes your excuse for paying a visit there!).
Option #3: Dishwashing Liquid
This is the real El Cheapo option for those who don’t want to spend more on their cars than they have to – or who want to keep their car care budget for more exciting items. This is also what gets used by those petrol stations that helpfully provide a bucket of something slightly bubbly and a squeegee (a cross between a scrubbing brush and a wiper blade). It’s also used by those annoying roving windscreen washers who lie in wait at traffic lights trying to get a few dollars off you. It’s cheap and it washes off the bugs but it’s likely to leave a bit of streaking. Use a wee squirt of dishwashing liquid to a litre of water – just a few drops for your reservoir or you will get a windscreen covered in bubbles, which is a real nuisance.
Option #4: Vinegar
Vinegar is for the greenies out there who want to use something from a sustainable source that doesn’t produce nasty toxins. You probably don’t want to use vinegar straight, but it’s best mixed at a one-to-one ratio with water. Cheap and doesn’t streak, but may not be the most effective at cleaning off bugs, as it needs a bit more elbow grease or wiper action to work.
Option #5: Vodka Or Rubbing Alcohol
Another one for the green minded. Mixed at a one-to-one ratio with water, it’s pretty good at dissolving off dirt, and it evaporates without any streaking. Might be a bit on the pricey side and many people might think it’s a waste of vodka. It may also get you some funny looks from the boys and girls in blue if you go through a checkpoint shortly after applying it to your windscreen, as it will leave a rather strong alcoholic smell. (“Honestly, officer, it’s the windscreen washer fluid you can smell. I haven’t been drinking. No, seriously. Hey!!! I WANT MY LAWYER!”)
Option #6: Just Plain Water
The cheapest and the greenest option of them all. It also doesn’t streak. The only problem is that it’s not super-efficient at removing gunk off your windscreen, especially if there’s a bit of gunk or grease involved. A bit more wiper action will be needed to shift the remains of the flies if you opt for just water. In colder parts of the world, it can also freeze up. If you are in a hard water area or somewhere where the local council dumps heaps of chlorine in your tap water, you can also be left with deposits building up in the system and blocking the pipes, which results in an expensive fix.
So what will I be doing? I’m still trying to decide whether I’ll use vinegar, ordinary window cleaner or dishwashing liquid, with the vinegar and the ordinary window cleaner being the two most attractive, as streaking can be a visibility hazard at the beginning and end of the day, when I’m most likely to be behind the wheel.
Safe and happy driving,
Megan
Taking Rover in the Rover
Once upon a time, dogs trotted alongside whatever form of transport we humans used quite happily, as dogs and horses had similar levels of stamina. A few lucky dogs got to ride inside the cart or coach, while other dogs (e.g. Rottweilers) got to pull the cart personally. Dogs also famously provided the grunt for the sleds that conquered the South Pole. Some dogs still do act as the motive power of transport – just ask all the people who drive dog sleds in the Iditarod race in Alaska.
Fast forward to today. We still like to have our four-footed family members coming with us on outings. Some people need to take dogs with them for work purposes (cops and farmers). But is it just a case of simply popping Rover in the Rover? Or is it more complex than that?
Doing it wrong.
We all know that it’s important to wear our seatbelts (don’t we???) and that the whole point of seat belts is to stop you flying forward and exiting via the windscreen in the case of a sudden stop. The laws of physics apply to our canine friends as well, of course. Dogs can indeed go flying forward in an emergency stop, the same as humans will. So the logic says that a dog ought to wear a seat belt.
The trouble is that the canine anatomy is not suited to seats or to seat belts. What’s more, dogs come in a much larger range of sizes than humans do. This means that the standard seat belt provided in the typical car won’t do the job. It might not fit your St Bernard (or Chihuahua) and putting on the Labrador might throw your dog’s limbs out.
You can buy doggy seat belts to solve this problem. These consist of a sort of chest harness thing to go around the dog while the seat belt clips into this. These work pretty well and will secure your dog. They’re not the only option, so if you’d rather not have your dog sitting on the leather seats of your car (their nails will scratch the leather) or if your dog is too darn big to sit comfortably on the seat in a position that allows the seat belt to be used, then you don’t have to use this method of restraint.
But you still have to make sure that your dog is safe in the case of a crash. In fact, the law in many states says you have to. It does vary from state to state, but in Western Australia and New South Wales, it’s illegal to have an unrestrained dog in the car, especially if said dog is on your lap or interferes with your ability to drive safely.
Doing it right.
If your dog is small enough to fit there and your state permits it, you can encourage him or her to sit in the footwell behind the driver or front passenger seat. The other alternative is to pop the dog into the boot area of a hatchback or stationwagon – and to install a safety net that stops things flying forward. Again, the boot is probably best for a massive dog, while the footwell suits smaller dogs of about bull terrier size downwards. The third option is the carrying cage. A lot of people who own dogs and 4x4s have a carrying cage in the back of the 4×4 specially for the dog that allows the dog to see out of the back while keeping it safe. Not a bad option, really.
Doing it right again.
I know your dog loves to stick his/her head out of the window while you’re travelling. This may have to stop, however, unless the doggy seatbelt permits this.
Utes are a different story again. The law also has something to say about what you can and can’t do with a dog in the tray of a ute or similar vehicle. The dog has to be restrained so that it can’t jump or fall off. This means either a cage or box, or a short leash. Notice the word “short” in that sentence. A dog shouldn’t be on a leash that’s long enough to allow it to get off the sides of the ute. Oddly enough, the law (in South Australia, anyway) says that if a farm dog can be loose on a ute deck if it’s just about to, in the middle of or just finished moving livestock along the road.
The other thing that has to be said about dogs in cars is what you should and shouldn’t do when the vehicle has stopped and you have to get out of the car. Sometimes, you can’t take the dog with you where you’re going (e.g. the shops or into church). Now, the RSPCA gets very angry (and rightly so) about dogs being left in hot cars. This really is animal cruelty. Dogs have a naturally higher body temperature than humans (some scientists suggest that this is how certain breeds of lapdog came about – they were bred to be living hot water bottles). They also can’t sweat to cool off and rely on panting instead. This means that the surrounding air temperature has to be cooler than the dog. Now, we know about how hot can get inside a car and that you can melt cheese and chocolate on the dashboard. If you leave your dog inside a car with all the windows closed up, you will slowly cook your dog alive. Shocking but true.
Doing it right on the back of a ute.
If you can’t take your dog with you, you’ll have to ensure that your dog stays safely cool. This may involve removing the dog from the car and tethering him/her somewhere safe outside the car. The other alternative is to park in the shade and leave the windows down a little to allow fresh cool air into the car. Obviously, you shouldn’t leave the windows down far enough to allow the dog to wriggle or jump out. This will compromise your car security, but a thief is less likely to try breaking into a vehicle that has a yappy terrier kicking up a fuss inside it… Double that if the dog is a bull terrier or Alsatian. Better still, plan your trip so that you don’t have to leave your dog in the car!
In all cases, it’s always wise to make sure that your dog and your vehicle suit each other. This means that if you have your heart set on a Great Dane, it might be time to say goodbye to your little Fiat 500 and look for a larger vehicle.
Safe and happy driving, with or without your dog,
Megan
I’m Getting A Ticket For What???
I’m sure that the powers that be for traffic control have a quota system going. There can’t be any other explanation for it. Why else would they hand out tickets for tiny little things seemingly at random? Why else would the people who do the roadworthiness tests fail vehicles for teeny little things? Why else would the drivers’ licence testing people fail people for very, very minor issues – which may have nothing to do with the driving? You know perfectly well that on other days, there would be no problem at all.
Blame Key Performance Indicators and all that management hooey. Traffic cops, inspectors and testers have to be Seen To Be Doing Their Job, which means that they have to find something to fail or ticket to justify their jobs. I kind of understand this, as when I’m not having fun writing driving-related blogs, I work as a proofreader; picking out a missing full stop or a typo the spell-checker missed shows the client that I actually did do some work. The difference, however, is that my clients want error-free reports and research papers, so are happy to get barely noticeable typos picked up, whereas nobody wants to be ticketed or failed.
I’m sure these picky little fails and tickets have happened to you. They certainly have happened to people I know. Here’s a selection:
- The cop who ticketed an elderly woman for “driving without her seatbelt” because she had turned the engine on before putting her seatbelt on (to warm up the engine of her little old hatchback on a cold winter’s day, naturally).
- A teenager sitting their provisional licence test who failed because he didn’t stop for “long enough” at a stop sign, even though the road was quiet.
- Another teenager who turned up to the licence test in a farm vehicle that smelt of dogs and substances on the bottom of gumboots even after having a good clean out (said teenager had come into town from rural area, as this was the only place to sit the test). Squeamish townie tester decided the car wasn’t in adequate condition for the test = fail.
- The cop who gave my other half a ticket for driving too slowly while towing a heavily loaded trailer. This happened not too far away from a road packed with those billboards warning people about excess speed.
- My friend’s car failed a roadworthiness test because of a bit of stick-on window tint that was deemed to be “too dark” and obscuring the driver’s vision… although it was on a rear window more or less in the driver’s blind spot and had been applied to keep my friend’s red-haired, pale-skinned little kids out of the strong summer sunlight.
- The cop who we saw coming the other direction but, after we had gone past, decided to turn around and follow us for the next 20 or so kilometres until the other half’s attention went off the speedo for a few seconds and the Volvo crept over the speed limit. Actual quote from said cop: “You weren’t going much over the limit when I clocked you but I could tell that you were going to go faster.” What – do they fit cop cars out with crystal balls as well as speed cameras these days?
So here’s your chance to have a bit of a rant. What teeny little things did you get pulled up and fined for or failed for? Tell us about them (but please keep names and easily identified places out of it or we might be looking at lawsuits and we’d rather not have the hassle).
Safe and happy driving (hopefully without tickets),
Megan
Level 2, 9 Help Street