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A “Howard” Motor Car?

Have you seen a rather funny dialogue going the email rounds lately purporting to be a sketch featuring John Clarke and Bryan Dawe?

It’s worth a read so we have re-produced it below. As far as we can discover it was not a skit run on the ABC, and it is not ascribed to either of these humorists, but it’s funny, nevertheless:

Scene: A car yard. BRYAN is perusing the stock. He is approached by JOHN] John:     Morning! Looking for a new car?

Bryan:     Nope. New Prime Minister, actually.

John:     You’re the third one this morning. Anything in mind?

Bryan:     You know…… nothing fancy, reliable, economical family model. Something to get the country from A to B.

John:     You mean like a Howard?

Bryan:     Yeah…a little Johnny. Nothing flash, does the job. Low maintenance, economical, sensible. Runs for years, no troubles.

John:     So…. you used to have one?

Bryan:     Yeah. About 10 years. Great little model – don’t know why I got rid of him — biggest mistake I’ve ever made.

John:     What happened?

Bryan:     Traded him in for a Kevin 07

John:     Big mistake.

Bryan:     Lot of people bought it. Good political mileage.

John:     How was the Kevin 07?

Bryan:     Came with a $900 factory rebate – that was good.

John:     Anything else?

Bryan:     Not much. Sounded nice but nothing under the bonnet. It was a lemon.

John:     Didn’t stick around for long did it?

Bryan:     Nah – had a factory recall. Shipped overseas and was never seen again.

John:     What was the problem?

Bryan:     Lots. But the final straw was the navigation system. Plug it in and it automatically loses its own way.

John:     Whatcha got now?

Bryan:     It’s a Gillard-Brown.

John:     The hybrid?

Bryan:     Yeah. The Eco-drive system – not a good idea. An engine that can’t deliver hooked up to a transmission stuck in permanent reverse.

John:     Green paintwork with a red interior. And steering that always lurches to the left for no apparent reason – that’s the one?

Bryan:     The Fustercluck model.

John:     The only one they made, Bryan. Not the vehicle of choice for the road to recovery – but did they finish up fixing the navigation system?

Bryan:     Made it worse. Turn it on and it does a press release, heads off in all directions and goes nowhere.John:     So that’s why you’re here?

Bryan:     That’s right. I’m stuck with a car that’s wasteful, expensive, ineffective and past its use by date. I don’t suppose you’ve heard of the “Cash for  Clunkers” scheme?

John:     Join the queue brother.

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