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The Human Flaw

As we surge forward into the vast unknown that is the future, cars are becoming increasingly more safe, secure and simple. Many may complain that the modern obsession with health and safety is beginning to dictate our lives, but it does mean that the universal driving experience can begin to improve in the knowledge that we can place trust in our motoring machines as we surge on down the road ahead. And if that wasn’t enough, the development of alternate fuels such as electricity, solar or even hydrogen power is making the world of driving more efficient and eco-friendly. There is however but one problem; one unstoppable force of nature that not even the most modern of cars can stop. What is this juggernaut? Well, what I really should be asking there is who, not what; the problem is not with the machinery, but with us.

Human beings are very much like computers, just a bit more squidgy and blood filled. I am sure we have all been in a position where we have been working away on a computer and suddenly we are confronted by either a frozen screen, blue screen of death or an unfathomable error message, all of which renders the computer almost totally useless. This sudden malfunction in the usual harmonic running is not only limited to the machine world. As humans we are often find our bodies malfunctioning on us for a reason that lacks both logic and sense. The worst of these of course is the spontaneous sick, where you are going about your daily life and suddenly you find yourself throwing up a little bit in your mouth. And of course one cannot forget the sneeze that sends your entire body into a spasm and you lose all sense of time, space and self for that split second. It would be oh so much easier if, like a computer, we were able to reboot our system to erase the system. Alas, we are stuck with these malfunctions for life.

…and yet we are allowed to drive cars? Crazy.

Imagine with me if you will your every day driving scenario. Let us say that you are on the way to visit your parents, and you find yourself driving along a motorway. As it always does, your journey is running smoothly and the traffic is light. Your personalised CD blares out as you belt out your favourite tunes. But then, out of nowhere it strikes you. The deadliest menace to the modern driver; the sneeze. Past experiences would tell you that there is nothing to worry about; a sneeze takes but a second. And yet the driving sneeze seems to shock you out of time and space itself. I could not tell you the amount of times I have sneezed and managed to have crossed into another lane. And then there was the time I sneezed, opened my eyes and found I had pulled off the motorway, parked at a service station and ordered myself a full steak dinner. Seriously, you have to watch those sneezes. Crazy things, those sneezes yo.

All this... caused by one sneeze!

All this… caused by a sneeze!

One of the key pieces of road safety advice usually concerns the risks of driving when tired. ‘Dont drive tired, pull over and take a nap’ is usually the general idea. But we have all been there, that time when you really have to get somewhere and don’t really have those few hours to spare to be napping. There can only be one solution, throw caution to the wind and a mountain of coffee into your system. The epic caffeine rush will provide the alertness you need to push you on through to your final destination. There is only flaw in this otherwise perfect plan, which is a complete and catastrophic overestimation of your own bladder. Tiredness is no longer the issue but an absolute chronic urge to pee. But you have already wasted time stopping to buy a coffee at the service station, do you really want to waste more of your precious time pulling over to pee? Your stout ignorance of your own discomfort forces you to resist the urge until you reach your final destination.

We've all been there...

We’ve all been there…

You may think you have conquered your bladder through a wealth experience and finding a comfortable position to not move from. But of course we all underestimate the power of the bump in the road; every bump targets your now bean-bag like bladder. Just to rub in your suffering, it is always the case that you have chosen the single bumpiest road every created by the hand of man in all history. Even driving over a single atomic particle feels like a direct punch to the bladder. That nap really is looking rather good now wouldn’t you say? Why do we do this to ourselves?

To paraphrase the great prophets Goldie Lookin Chain, “Cars don’t kill people, drivers do”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the cars we are driving, they are but angelic creations of loveliness in comparison to the demonic insanity that is the human presence behind the wheel. It is safe to say that it is our spontaneous malfunctions that make us so special, but why we are allowed to drive I will never know.

But I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Keep Driving People!

Follow me on Twitter @lewisglynn69

Peace and Love!