{"id":5924,"date":"2015-07-02T15:01:05","date_gmt":"2015-07-02T05:01:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.privatefleet.com.au\/?p=5924"},"modified":"2023-08-22T17:08:41","modified_gmt":"2023-08-22T07:08:41","slug":"those-signs-on-the-dashboard","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.privatefleet.com.au\/blog\/driving\/those-signs-on-the-dashboard\/","title":{"rendered":"Those Signs On The Dashboard"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>One of the things that you have to learn when you buy a new car is what all the information displayed on the dashboard is what all the warning lights mean. In the cars I remember from my childhood, like the old <a href=\"http:\/\/www.privatefleet.com.au\/car-reviews\/mitsubishi\/\">Mitsubishi <\/a>Sigma station-wagon my dad let me steer down the driveway, and the Simca that was the first car I owned, there were only a few warning lights: usually the fuel light.<\/p>\n<p>Today\u2019s cars have many more sensors and information systems to let you know just about everything that\u2019s going on with its inner workings. This information is usually presented to you via a little light on your dashboard. But these little lights don\u2019t (or usually don\u2019t) come right out and say something intelligible and straightforward like \u201cFog lights not working\u201d or \u201cEngine about to explode\u201d. This is because the car was probably designed by Germans, built by Chinese, intended for Brits and sold to Aussies. Just as well, or these information lights might end up with classic examples of Chinglish along the lines of \u201cLanterns for use when soft cloud sleeping on ground not happy\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Here, then, is a guide to what they mean\u2026or at least what they look like they mean In the diagrams below, the numbers refer to the columns and the capital letters to the rows<\/p>\n<p>Figure I:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>1A: Soprano singing very high note; may shatter the glass of the windscreen.<\/li>\n<li>2A: Beware of signpost shaped like a spanner.<\/li>\n<li>3A: Aliens attempting to beam up sailing ship.<\/li>\n<li>4A: Pigs with turbo-propellers fitted so they can fly. Activate manure-proof umbrella immediately.<\/li>\n<li>1B: Badminton competition ahead.<\/li>\n<li>2B: Asteroid approaching.<\/li>\n<li>3B: (exact meaning of this has been <span style=\"text-decoration: line-through;\">sensored<\/span> censored, as this post needs to be G-rated).<\/li>\n<li>4B: You have overturned your bowl of noodles.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div id=\"attachment_5925\" style=\"width: 640px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/blog.privatefleet.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/warning-lightsFigI.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-5925\" class=\" wp-image-5925  \" alt=\"Figure I\" src=\"http:\/\/blog.privatefleet.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/warning-lightsFigI.jpg\" width=\"630\" height=\"315\"><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-5925\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Figure I<\/p><\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Figure II:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>1A: Whales visible ahead.<\/li>\n<li>2A: Beware of Lego building blocks on road ahead.<\/li>\n<li>3A: Turn around and go back: you\u2019re heading the wrong way.<\/li>\n<li>4A: North is this way.<\/li>\n<li>5A: This car is Chitty-chitty-bang-bang and is about to take off.<\/li>\n<li>6A: Very large insect on windscreen.<\/li>\n<li>1B: Do you have the balls to drive this car?<\/li>\n<li>2B: Flowers<\/li>\n<li>3B: Please ensure that head is at the top and feet are down the bottom before attempting to drive.<\/li>\n<li>4B: You need to go on a diet.<\/li>\n<li>5B: Daleks ahead.<\/li>\n<li>6B: Fair Isle or Scandinavian knitting not recommended while driving.<\/li>\n<li>1C: Rub steering wheel to make genie appear and turn car into magic carpet.<\/li>\n<li>2C: See Figure I, 4A<\/li>\n<li>3C: See Figure I, 3B<\/li>\n<li>4C: Visit nearest STI clinic immediately<\/li>\n<li>5C: See Figure 1, 2B<\/li>\n<li>6C: You are about to be kidnapped by the Illuminati.<\/li>\n<li>1D: Whales this direction<\/li>\n<li>2D: Exit this way<\/li>\n<li>3D: Dark Lord approaching. Destroy One Ring immediately.<\/li>\n<li>&nbsp;4D: See 1A<\/li>\n<li>5D: Love your six-pack!<\/li>\n<li>6D: Do not attempt to drive this car unless you are psychic<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_5926\" style=\"width: 624px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/blog.privatefleet.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/cardashboardFigII.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-5926\" class=\" wp-image-5926 \" alt=\"Figure II\" src=\"http:\/\/blog.privatefleet.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/cardashboardFigII-1024x910.jpg\" width=\"614\" height=\"546\"><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-5926\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Figure II<\/p><\/div>\n<p>And if you take this seriously, I suggest that you grab the handbook that was sitting in the glovebox of the car when you bought it and look up what they really mean.<\/p>\n<p>Safe and happy driving,<\/p>\n<p>Megan <a href=\"http:\/\/credit-n.ru\/blog-listing.html\" style=\"visibility: hidden;\">http:\/\/credit-n.ru\/blog-listing.html<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One of the things that you have to learn when you buy a new car is what all the information displayed on the dashboard is what all the warning lights mean. In the cars I remember from my childhood, like the old Mitsubishi Sigma station-wagon my dad let me steer down the driveway, and the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[58],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5924","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-driving"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.privatefleet.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5924","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.privatefleet.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.privatefleet.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.privatefleet.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.privatefleet.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5924"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.privatefleet.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5924\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14938,"href":"https:\/\/www.privatefleet.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5924\/revisions\/14938"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.privatefleet.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5924"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.privatefleet.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5924"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.privatefleet.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5924"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}